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Joshua Daniel John David Jingle Heimerschmidt Wooden was born in Tulsa, OK in 1980. To the amazement of the medical community and his parents, he
could already walk and was fully potty trained. Though he did
contract SIDS, which he still battles today; and a common newborn
disease which was treated with an equally common drug that was proven 2 years later to cause developmental defects and 'stockiness.' At the age of
3 he was drafted by the Detroit Tigers because of his amazing pitching arm; he later lost that contract at the age of 18 when he did not develop into the superstar athlete they had predicted, He was quoted "my heart just wasn't in the game." At age 5 he began his infamous but also short-lived art career after the discovery of his talents by his well-connected kindergarten teacher. After exhibiting his work nationally he quickly retired disgusted after he decided the majority couldn't really 'see,' and so appreciate his art; So
true! Most of his talents developed into his mid teens, though his
incredible shyness kept him hidden from the public eye. He joined the
nationally acclaimed Tulsa Boy Singers, but after a couple years gave it up suddenly because "great athletes cannot also be singers" and his vocal chords rebelled by not allowing his singing voice to ever again recreate the beautiful melodies it once did, trust me. He became bored, and searched for new challenges. In 1992 he wrote the music to the Fugees song 'Ready or Not' but was never compensated or recognized. In 1994 he first ran a 4.35 second 40 meter at an Olympic development soccer practice. In 1995 he began his voyages which are now referred to as the ' 8 NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES' by the history books. It was also in that year that he was first published when he wrote 'The Book of Love.' In his teen years he also volunteered to fight in the dangerous 'Red Ant Wars' in eastern Mexico. He then took a pilgrimage throughout the world where he climbed the highest mountains, swam the deepest seas, escaped communist
police chases through Yugoslavia and China. In 1997 he received the
decorous 'British Star of Honor' for thwarting an assassination attempt in London. He then spent a season saving oppressed children from slavery elsewhere, with his tiger ally: Hooka. He then graduated high school, and against the better judgement of everyone around him, turned down "better offers" and joined the Marines with high expectations of challenge and
saving the world. He soon learned the lie that government is. He was sent to Kosovo, this scene of the story he will never talk about. After his enlistment ended he started the second stage of his life which we are currently living together. "Though I still have many goals in life, I have only one long term goal
left to accomplish: find a woman I can love with all my soul for the rest of my life and take care of her forever. I'm hoping Girlfriend can help me with that."
Excerpted, 'A Peoples History of the United States', Howard Zinn, 2003.