Idol Worship

Have there really been eight seasons of American Idol? That settles it. We‘re all freaking sadists with rampant addictions to witnessing innocents get brutal lashings by that iron-maiden-tongued Brit Simon Cowell. Not to mention, we‘ve had eight glorious years of watching Paula Abdul slowly wither to the same mental state as your grandma after six strokes.

We‘re sick people.

The upside is, while we were glued to the main attractions, we started enjoying the sideline shows of the kids‘ performances. If you've been watching this season, you'll be happy to know that the American Idols Live! Tour hits the Valley. You'll see all of your friends, such as "not so lil‘ butt" Lil Rounds, "Noop Dogg" Anoop Desai, and "oh so sensitive" Danny Gokey. And, of course, Adam Lambert, the unforgettable male-goth version of Tammy Faye Baker. (We still think you deserved the No. 1 slot, bro.)